Artifact of Depression: Part 2

Apparently anti-depressants make you depressed. O_o that's what my doctor said. Amitryptiline is a moderate sedative, as well as an anti-depressant and migraine relief. It also can cause an increase in suicidal tendencies. Great. Just what I need when those whom I thought were friends are really backstabbing creatures of hate.

Artifact of Depression: Act I

Being depressed is a lot like being stuck underneath a big rock. You are constantly under a very near physical pressure, as if the world is trying it's best to put you in your grave. The only way out is to give in, or push back. I began my fight with this rock with a strong, strategical assault. Unfortunately, my forces we driven back, much like the Spartans of Thermopylae, and pinned against a wall, where they fought to they death, only to be crushed by this ever increasing weight. So, after fighting to overcome mental and physical exhaustion, I have learned to deal with it. I sleep only two hours a night, and perhaps only 3 nights a week... My eyes are like black holes, my mind a greased slide: i cannot grasp concepts or retain them. My memory also is failing, as I must write things down if i plan to remember them later on.

Only one good thing has come of this inability to rest. I have been practicing much more, and am getting farther along in my lessons that perhaps ever before.

to be continued...

The Message

Read it. It has some awesome information in it.

this is my attempt at posting a blog from my email...

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Hotmail® is up to 70% faster. Now good news travels really fast. Try it now.

Scale The Summit

So it's now Sunday, a week later than I said i would finish my summation. I am in Wind Ensemble, miraculously. Galen Lemmon is a phenomenal percussionist, and I really think of him as a friend, as well as a teacher. Dr. Edward Harris is starting to get on my nerves though... all he thinks about is his wind ensemble, like it's the most important thing in the world. O_o Sometimes I wonder if I am in the right place for what I want to do...

My choice comes down to money, ultimately. If the Budget Crisis gets worse (which we all know it will) I might as well transfer down to MI, because at least I can justify wanting to be a performing drum set player. Anyone reading who is now thinking.... "wait, I thought he loved orchestral percussion..." well I do. I love it to death. I cannot get enough of it, but the truth is the SJSU music department is a mess. No one communicates; students are left to fend for themselves in what can only be called the hardest and most confusing major in the world. SJSU treats musicians like something to be stuffed in a dark corner of a darker closet. MI is all about putting music at the fore front of education.

For a change of pace, I have spent all of today reading various Wiki-articles. I started with "Lupus" and gradually because side-tracked, and ended up on "England." From there I read "Dodo," "Ostrich," "Black Death," "Elephant Bird" "Albertasaurus," Gigantoraptor," "Platypus," and about 15 more sub articles that are related to the afore mentioned. I have also found a steal on craiglist. A Rockstar DX drum set for $80.00! You can't find a deal like that.

More later....

The Human Abstract, Star wars in the Park, and Wind Ensemble

More of My Drums, thanks to Ryan, originally uploaded by anotherdrummer242.

All this week I have been obsessed with the band "the Human Abstract." They are an amazing band, and I want to make music similar to theirs, and Dream Theater's. Attached to this blog is another picture of my drum set (courtesy of LWG photography and Ryan Mannie). I spent a week refinishing it and making it look way more expensive than it really is. The shells are made of Poplar, which is basically like the paper plate of drummer-ry. You see where I am going? Anywho, much to my surprise, The drums not only look beautiful, they also sound somewhat better than before the change. Perhaps it was my extra time taken while tuning the drums, but I'd like to think its the lack of a vinyl wrap that makes it so much better. But I digress...

Tonight I went to see The Symphony Silicon Valley performing Works from the great John Williams, spanning several movies, including Jaws, Schindler's List, and Star Wars. I absolutely love the star wars music. Not just from one movie or another, but all six. Each one has it's own them that is some how tied into the movie before, or them movie after, episodes IV and VI being the exception, because Star Wars did not Exist before A New Hope, and it ends with Return of the Jedi. My favorite of them all however is the score to Episode III, because it ties all of the other Episodes together. PLus the percussion arrangements are so cool to listen to.

This semester I didn't audition for Wind Ensemble, which will ultimately bite me in the ass I think.

Will finish tomorrow or monday....

My First Photo Shoot....

Mckay, originally uploaded by Living with giants.

Thanks to my good friend, Ryan Mannie, I now have some really sexy pictures of my newly refinished drums. this is just one of the pics he took.

I really enjoy Hookah. If more people decide to follow my blog, I will suggest that we have hookah night if you happen to be local to San Jose.

Careful and Honest Contemplation, Pt. II

Cuddling, originally uploaded by anotherdrummer242.

The internets have failed me. I can no longer find anything that is remotely interesting. Xbox, you too have failed me. I can no longer while away a listless hour with on a game of shoot 'em up while listening to "double kill" repeat so often it becomes a chant. My mind has failed me. I am the most faithful boyfriend in the world, and yet in my infinite boredom I ponder the "what if" that will ultimately lead me down a path very much as dark as the bottom of the sea. I want more than anything to spend time with my wonderful girlfriend and see her smile. I think that will repair me.

In the lengthening weeks that I am without a car, I am more and more spending my time atop my solid frame 21 speed bike. Yesterday I rode for 3.5 hours at a constant pace of about 10/12 miles an hour. Nothing record breaking, but definitely a work out. Today I went on an hour long ride, and supplemented the remaining 2 hours with several reps of both pull ups and chin ups. Overall, since the end of May I have lost 15 lbs, and am now a respectable 145 pounds. oh yeah, I am 5'10.5" tomorrow I am going to ride to davis and back, probably at 9:00 am. I think I will get some Jamba Juice as a treat once I get to Davis, and then head back after a short rest.

I am also in the process of designing a tattoo for my self. it will be a full sleeve down my right arm. The basic design is a squid, on my upper arm, reaching with it's tentacles down and around my arm to end on my wrist. there are still some kinks worked out, like what the tentacles should look like. The squid itself is going to be dark and evil looking. totally emotionless eyes, and very true to life. the tentacles though I think need to be kinda "gross." An earlier tattoo design I had was one of a heart, draw in a rough "paint brush" style, on my inner right forearm. If there is a way to combine the two, that's what will happen.


OK ladies and gents, you know what I am up against. I shall bid you all farewell for the night, and reconvene tomorrow for a recitation of my day.

Riding the Train

Today I am headed back to woodland after spending my weekend in San Jose with my girlfriend. I have never ridden this particular train before, and I must admit, I am nervous as to whether or not I will get off in Davis. I must assume that I will, because the guy sitting next to me is also getting off at the Davis stop, and unless we are two of a kind, he is not mistaken. Tomorrow I will post some new pictures.

I drink too much soda

0708092218-00, originally uploaded by anotherdrummer242.

but this is what comes of it. my drums, which once looked like the ashes of a dying moon, are restored to a beauty they have never known

Failure in Miniature

I am constantly worrying about details. When I drum, I get so preoccupied about the small, minute nuances that could make everything better, that sometimes I forget why I love drumming. I'm the same with everything else. I am in the middle of a LEGO build for my county Fair, and I spent so much time on the Details of my project that I forgot to turn in my registration on time. So no I have upwards of 50 hours and 100s of dollars spent on something that people won't get to see. It's frustrating. Perhaps I will finish it and put pictures here, as well as on Moc pages.


I have taken an interest in Siberian Huskies. I really want one as a pet. I hear they need to be really active, maybe that would be an incentive to run more myself.

Careful and Honest Contemplation

Today billy struck me a serious mental blow with this phrase: "I saw the moon tonight, his light held supremacy over the sky, as if he was the only being in existence. He gazed upon the world blankly, for there was no one to watch him shine. Tonight I was his witness, whether he realized it or not. The dreamer was not alone."  It struck me that we are like the moon, always reaching for something greater than we are.  Simple hunter-gatherers discovering fire, Columbus sailing to the Americas, Neil Armstrong landing on the moon.  In these attempts, we are to be rewarded for our success.  But in our triumph do we loose our sense of innocence?  When so much is at our finger tips, we forget where we come from and how far we have traveled for the things we take for granted.  With city lights holding captive the night sky, we forget all about the simple things nature tells us are marvels.  One of my favorite things to do is to take a weekend and go camping in a place remote from all that is civilization.  Somewhere that I can hear everything, and nothing, where I can see for miles without the steel of city and town.  At night, watching the stars arc overhead, I remember, and get lost in what it's like to be alive. I am rejuvenated with a childlike view of things, something that should not be discounted.  Children are unhindered by beliefs and bias. They see clearly what grown men cannot.  They feel deeply what does not shake us.  

Why can we not see unclouded, and live carefree like children?  We get bogged down in our day-to-day and forget to look up at the sky, or to see the beauty as we walk to and from.  Keep this in mind, as you do your daily tasks, and maybe we can feel a sense of what Billy felt.  Though we may be like the moon, reaching for the sun, let us not get burned by the very thing keeping us alive.

Me as a Musician Part III: High School & College

Today I am writing as I sit in on a concert praising the works of Robert Schuman.  Schuman's music is remarkably peace full to listen too.  It's definitely music to listen to while napping or reading a book.

Part III:

High school was rather eventful for me.  my freshman year I attended the the newly built Pioneer High.  The band instructor was a cook.  Imagine Mr. Barry, then imagine him trying to strangle you with that horror film nose hair.   That was this guy.  I can't even remember his name.   I broke my hand during the fall, and couldn't play music for about 2 months.  In the spring, I got in a fight and was taken out of public school by my parents.  I continued music in the form of piano, and going to see Mr. Holck every couple of days and filling in the holes in his percussion section.  My sophomore year is when things got hairy.  I was doing home school, and my mom took me to the well established Woodland Sr. High School in search of  the musical mythology surrounding the should be legendary John Abigana.  Nothing but good can be said about the man, however I was terrified upon first arriving at the school.  band with Mr. A changed my life.  I made my longest lasting friends ships in his band classes, and had the best fun and learning experience.  In his class, I got to play in many well remembered pieces.  We played Mars and Jupiter from Gustav Holst's  "The Planets"   we also playing a five movement piece called "The Sorcerers Suite"  it is a composition based on the prominent characters of the Harry Potter books.  Because Warner Bros own the copyrights to all things Harry or Potter, the movements were titled as vague analogues to the story line.  I can't remember any f the ridiculous names, perhaps I will look for them in my music books.  My most favorite works are the Gustav Holst's Military Suites for Band.  The first suite is simply title "First Suite in Eb for Military Band."  The three movements are "Chaconne," "Intermezzo." and "March."  The Second suite is titled similarly: "Second Suite in F for Military Band."  The four movements are: "March," "Song Without Words," "Song of the Blacksmith," and "Fantasia on the Dargason."  Another magnum opus we performed was "Hobbits" from the "Lord of the Rings Suite."  I do not mean the movie score.  this music was written by Johan de Meij.  The Suite consists of five movements  "Gandalf," "Lothlorien,"Gollum," "Journey in the Dark," and "Hobbits."

During High school, I auditioned for the Nor Cal Honor Band, as well as the All State Honor Band. I got 

into nor cal, no such luck on the all state.I got into several music schools during my senior year. During the

2007 band trip, I auditioned at Fresno State and Chapman University. Both places said they would have

me, but something was not right. Upon my audition for Galen Lemmon, and SJSU. I knew I was in the

right place. The entire campus felt right to me. College. College has me on the edge. Whether that edge is

despair or success, I cannot tell. All I know is that I am a much better musician than ever before, and I have

only the wish to get better. I wish that I didn't have to take the GE courses required to get a degree. I need

to just focus on becoming an excellent musician, and to focus on learning what life means for me.

Me as a Musician, Part II: Elementary & Middle School

Yesterday left us with me lugging orchestral bells around my sixth grade class.  Well, that was al fine and dandy, but we got a new band teacher that year too.   He was a very old hairy man who had poorly articulated speech and all to properly articulated eyebrows, ear and nose hair.  If you have ever seen Jeff Dunham's marionette "Walter,"  you know what Mr. Barry looks like.  No where near as funny though.  Mr. Barry was dull, droll and a troll.  His spit could reach the moon on a normal day.  Nonetheless, band was very enjoyable.

____________________________ MIDDLE SCHOOL__________________________

Graduating to seventh grade was traumatic for me.  The first week of school, was jumped in the mens restroom, and forever more was terrified of the "gotta go" urge.  band was great though.  Mr. Holck is an excellent teacher, and he runs a very very good program.  For the first time in my life, I had friends in the music department.  We hung out in band, after band, and in our other classes.  I remember playing a roland keyboard in a festival of music.  The piece was "John Willams Overture"  and it was a medley of his more popular themes, such as Jaws, Star Wars, E.T, and others.  We also Played a medley of the music in Shrek. 

Tomorrow:  Part III, High School & College

Musicians Institute, and Me as a Musician

Like I said, today is the day I begin discussing my musical history, as we as my hopeful musical future.  Here goes:

I began my musical career with a Fisher Price color coded xylophone.  From there I graduated to the backs of chairs and my parent's heads.  When I turned eight, I began taking piano lessons.  these lessons continued, much to my personal chagrin, until i would turn sixteen.  In the fourth grade, the whole class learned to play recorder, and in fifth grade I picked up the trombone.   The day I brought it home, I spent hours figuring out how to put it together and hold it.  Once I trampled that hurdle, I proceeded to clean the instrument.  This fact, negating hundreds of other reasons, is why I switched to percussion.  Having to snake out a brass tube is something that should be left for plumbers, not school children.  Nevertheless, I was the best trombonist, I had the best dynamics and the best tone a 10 year old could have.  Mr. French's sixth grade class saw my hauling around a huge set of orchestral bells.

________________________Part II begins tomorrow_________________________

Whoops

I missed a day, so I will be covering both Sunday and Monday in this blog.  yesterday was a bit of a flop.  the best part was playing Soul Caliber IV with my two brothers and one sister.  I drove home to San Jose, and got stuck in traffic several times along the way.  My radio is still not working, so I am making it my prerogative to get comfortable headphones for my iPod.  Pizza is sounding really good right now, and even though I have a 2500 word essay to write, proofread, rewrite and turn in by tomorrow, I can't stop thinking bout pizza.   

Tonight the SJSU Percussion Ensemble is performing in the concert hall.  We're playing all sorts of pieces.  My favorite of the night is entitled "Goblins"  it is for 9 percussionists, and is very characterized.  I love it.  My second favorite is "Cop Drama"  this intense piece is inspired by the music and antics of '80s and '90s cop flicks.  

........ Brief Interlude ........

The concert went really well, everything was spot on, and we were all excited.  I still have my essay to write, which I should be doing now.... some on stop me, blogging is addictive.  One of these days I will post pictures of my drum set and if I can figure out how, I will also put a video or audio file of my playing up... (does anyone who happens to be reading know if it is possible to embed a video into a blog?)

Besides the pictures and video, my next blog will be a detail of my journey through music, and how has affected my life.

Firebreather

Today began unusually. No 7:30 am alarm to get me out of bed all groggy and grumpy.  But, I did get to go over to my girlfriend's for breakfast, which consisted of me feeling sick and Elise eating raisin bran with soy milk.  Driving to Woodland was the usually bore, only punctuated by my CD player/Fm radio going out on me.  I was forced to put headphones on and listen to my iPod for the duration of the trip.  

Once in Woodland, I made a bee line for Will Devine's house (there are actually some rose bushes permanently attached to my front bumper as a result).  Will and I jammed with another Will who plays bass guitar.  He is awesome.  we were all over the place grooving in 4/4, 7/8, 12/8, even 15/16.  we came up with a jam that will undoubtably be a song within the next few weeks.  I also have advanced some in my playing, I was doing fill combinations I usually wouldn't think of, and even messing up, because I was trying things that normally I wouldn't think of.

I also filled out applications for work at Mr. Pickles and In "N" Out in Davis.  So cross your fingers, and hope I get one or both jobs.  Off to dinner with my family, yesterday was my dad's birthday, so tonight we're going to dinner at B.J's in Natomas.  Hooray for Pizooki!

Just got back from dinner, it was amazing.  Now Spencer and I are gonna play Halo and make fun of people.  Watch out, you could be one of them.  See you tomorrow.

my first blog ever

Hello to all of you out there in cyber-world... and cyber-space too.  There are some things I am learning about the art of blogging even as I type:

1.  when you want to write something meaningful and profound, there is no paper

2.  when you're sitting here, trying to remember that profound thing, the mind is blank.

so anyway, here I am to document and comment on all things that come to mind.

Like this morning, I drove from Woodland to San Jose from 12:15 AM to 2:00 Am, just so that I could get a good nights rest and go to percussion Ensemble.  I am exhausted, and ironically, I played fairly well.  The concert for that class is on Monday, wish all 17 of us luck.  

speaking of concerts, last night was a debacle to be sure, if I hadn't guilt tripped Steve, we would have driven to Orangevale for naught.  and still, the crowd was lame, the lighting was one-sided (literally, the stage right bank of lights were out) and our sound guy totally forgot to mic check Will... it was like Aaron Neville singing along to Thrice.  still had fun, got to get some exercise in by jogging right before the set.  

Today is my dad's birthday... gotta call and say hi.  see you tomorrow